Perfectly Real

“I am proud of the woman I am today, because I went through a hell of a time becoming her”

That being stated lets jump right into the weird, strange and without a doubt crazy that is me. Just like you I am made up of one million insane things fruit looped and lucky charmed into one beautifully graceful…who are we kidding; clumsy hot mess! And dare I say that I like it! I have struggled time  and time again with who I am and the person everyone wants and expects me to be and quite frankly I am completely done with that nonsense. I am a revolving door and as you insert and escape from either opening a new refreshed version of my old self manifest and each time it’s pretty freaking awesome. I surprise myself every day at what I am capable of and just watching myself grow or dig myself out of the umpteenth whole I’ve created for myself. Unfortunately there is no white rabbit guiding me to the queen of hearts where I eventually take over and put the top dog in their place but hey, I am a firm believer in learning as you go along and here I am…going along, oops I mean learning along lol!

Truth be told I am always a little cautious as to who I let into my inner realm but owning up to actuality that is not the case. Its hard when you’re bursting with all of this awesomeness and confusion and well I’m almost positive it’s hard for anyone to keep a lid on it. Unless of course you are hiding something and that’s really only fun when you’re playing hide and seek because otherwise it can be a pretty stressful life experience. Cutting corners is hard enough and then slapping on the mask in order to look good so you avoid looking bad is just plain exhausting. Therefore I’ve decided to kick the door wide open on some of the weird things that make me who I am. And then I challenge you to do the same.

Clowns.  I had a dream as a kid that all these little people in overalls were playing with my toys. I had a bad feeling about them and I wasn’t able to see they’re faces. I was upset because I hadn’t told them they could play so I told them to stop. A few minutes later, I raised my voice again to tell them to stop playing with my toys and they slowly turned to look at me. Their faces were clown faces…kind of resembling the clown in that movie IT. I freaked out and woke up hyperventilating and the rest is history. Not sure why that affected me so bad but there is no other explanation as to why I hate them. It’s more like a paralyzing fear but I think you get the jist. My mom even said that she took us to Barnum and Bailey Circus as kids and if you get there early enough you can meet the clowns and performers, a clown came over to say hi and I just screamed and screamed and she had to tell him to leave.

As an adult I can t go to haunted houses anymore because they are all laced with clowns now. It sucks but I can’t take the risk. Thinking about a clown gives me anxiety so I am cutting this weird fact about me short….

4da64a9f5edb364f62a0a59c2d756de2Foot Phobia. As in I don’t want to see or touch them. Ask me where this phobia came from and I’m drawing a blank. I can’t recall it being this big of a problem when I was younger but now I detest everything concerning them, except shoes of course!! Ha there is always that one stipulation that gets you through the storm. But seriously I cringe at the thought of them touching me or at times even being in close proximity to me at all. Funny thing about this whole phobia is that I can honestly appreciate a great foot. Someone who takes care of their hooves regularly, however structurally I can’t vouch for you so much (pedicure or no pedicure). I mean my sister and niece have sausage toes…yikes! And then there is the infamous toes that are longer than your papa toe…what is that about? Ugh! And with all that being brought to the forefront of your attention, baby feet are the ONLY feet I adore! I will kiss them and touch them and snuggle with them for hours but once you hit that 3-4 year old mark…all bets are off.

Interesting that I am even capable of writing about this but here it is. Oh and one more thing while you’re taking all this in, I often get asked how I feel about my own feet.   Well the verdict is in and I don’t’ like my own feet either. I tolerate them because they are mine and attached to my body and they can’t be looking all jacked up (hence getting a pedicure which I had to battle with myself about and finally came to the conclusion that them all over my feet was an act of service and not a desire to get comfy with them…yuck!) but if I don’t have to deal with them then I don’t.


Covers. I love to sleep with covers an I cannot sleep without a cover over at least some part of my body. Not sure where that comes from but it makes me feel too exposed if I have no covers on at all. However this Chicago heat this year has been deadly and while I rip off the covers to keep myself from suffocating from the intense temperature levels I end up grabbing for the cover 2-3 minutes later. Crazy!


Too Soft. It’s a textural thing and probably the wildest thing not to like. I mean who doesn’t want soft silky hands that are like babies skin? Not me apparently. And I love lotion and having smooth skin I just can’t have my hands feeling too soft. There are certain items such as blankets or stuffed animals that have this fabric that is just extra soft and if you touch it enough it transfers onto your skin and makes it extra soft. I hate it so much…it starts to make me rub my fingers over my hands and it’s irritating and I feel like I have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder lol! Go figure.


Cole Slaw. You ever just have that one food you can’t physically stomach no matter what? Mine is coleslaw. What a name for something you eat and should taste good. I suppose it stems from our Kentucky Fried Chicken days where the coleslaw was drenched in what seemed to be milk or mayonnaise. So my mom told me that I needed to try it homemade as a result she made it for me and I was like ehh, it’s not as watery but I still don’t like it! Then I had tried it at restaurants because they LOVE to give it to you on the side of EVERYTHING and NOPE, still don’t like it. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the whole idea of coleslaw so I just avoid it at all costs.


Apple Juice.  Another thing on the food list is Apple Juice. I never liked it and my mom tells me she never gave it to me as a kid but my sister on the other hand LOVES the crap out of the stuff. It’s strange to me because I love sugar and all things sweet but this just does not make the list. I can’t even touch the bottle at the grocery store and if it were the last thing on earth to drink I guess I’d have to force myself to drink water or die of thirst. One thing I get asked about this particular preference is if I like other things apple and the answer is YES! Bring on the Apple Pie! And I can eat Apple Sauce in moderation.


Lemon Flavored Candy. I just can’t stomach it. I pick it out of everything; Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Starburst, Mentos, I even don’t care for Trix Cereal and Fruit Loops because of the dominant lemon flavor. Now pass me a Lemon Bar or some Lemon Mirange Pie and I’m in heaven. The only lemon candy I will eat are lemon heads, otherwise kick rocks lemon candy!! Lol


Being Smothered. I don’t like people clinging to me. It tends to make me rather uncomfortable. It feels like I have this dead weight attached to me that I am trying to politely shrug off. Lingering hugs, hands resting on my shoulders or arms or legs. I had a friend in high school that when she was talking about something deep and important to her she would rest her hand on my leg and just keep it there…my brain would be screaming “wtf when are you going to remove your hand that has no business burning a hole in my jeans” I would find ways to push her hand away or get up so that I could stop the madness. As well my sister is pretty good at clutching herself to you at times, and while she’s my sister and I love her to death, it disturbs me beyond belief. I wouldn’t say it’s sensory but what do I know, I don’t have a PhD!

So there you have it, about 8 things that are certifiably or un certifiably wrong with me! Like I said no fancy letters at the end of my name but I can tell you these are probably strange to one or two people out there. Fascinating enough while I consider my own bizarre habits I know someone who has to eat her food in a circle or has to take the first bite of her food or she can’t eat it, or my sister who won’t eat shaved coconut but likes the flavor, or a good friend of mine who hates the word casserole because it makes him want to gag and is also afraid of midgets or little people…as well as friends and family with many other phobias of the sort.

Don’t be afraid to be you and stand out like a sore thumb above the crowd, we still love you because it makes us feel better about our own poppycock!! So share the 5 weirdest things about you and remember, don’t underestimate the ridiculousness of others because there is always someone out there that’s just a little bit weirder than you are!


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