I found the light and turned it off; afraid of the dark no more. The creepy crawlies are still ever present as flashes of light reveal their identities but no longer do they take residence in my mind’s eye. You used to have a hold on me. I used to let you have control. You so seldom allowed me to catch a breath before you slammed me down again. Paralyzed I fought to walk, see, feel and comprehend the evolution of the fault you needed me to deserve, your foot on the rats tail reminded me I had no say so, no relevant vote. Going through motions at pivotal moments you pretended to give me back what was yours, mine, I mean yours. Never guessing it was mine to begin with. What power struggle over something I didn’t realize was so sacred. How funny it seems now that I no longer have much use for it. The wonder years are over, minimal room for do over’s and take backs, only strategically calculated moves that can, at this point, lead me in a better direction. A direction I’m determined to get to no matter what, but fear I’m lacking. Not the skill set or the determination but something else, that thing that makes fireflies magic. I know that the gleam in my eye for life is not bright, it is not on fire and it does not shine with passion, desire and unstop ability as it once did. There you’ll find a flicker of hope, but just that. And no matter how hard or soft you rub you can’t quite clear the dull or liven up the cloudy. I know the dark too well. I always have and always will. I’ve lived trying desperately to race to turn on the light…before you turned it off again.